Wednesday, April 27, 2011

be still and know

I have been going through a pretty great daily devotional book called Jesus Calling for about a year now. It's a short thought for the day and a few verses to go with it. It's a super way to start or end the day.

As I have gotten older, my Type A personality has seemed to intensify and I have to work harder and harder to be "in the moment." I am one of those people who feels uneasy when there is too much stuff/piles/clutter/chaos/etc and I find it hard to relax when I have lefy  dishes out or my floor messy.  I can function so much better with a to do list in hand and I get the best feeling from cleaning out closets and getting rid of things.

Two days in the past week have, I am convinced, been written specifically for me.

Example A:

April 22
Walk with Me in holy trust, responding to My initiatives rather than trying to make things fit your plans. I died to set you free, and this includes freedom from compulsive planning. When your mind spins with a multitude of thoughts, you cannot hear My voice. A mind preoccupied with planning pays homage to the idol of control. Turn from the idolatry back to Me and live abundantly.

Proverbs 19: 21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.


April 22
I am always with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind if so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me.

As I read these, I felt almost ashamed, like when you have been caught doing something and there is no way out. Mainly because I know that I always feel panicked and anxious about things I can't control. And I always try to handle these meltdowns on my own. Which is impossible.

I have been actively trying to break myself of this habit lately since I am back at home for a bit and am surrounded by such a gorgeous view and landscape. I love that I can stand outside at night, look up at the stars and have no streetlights in my face and can only hear frogs and crickets (and the neighbor's pool filter if you really listen hard). Those moments remind me to give up control, focus my mind on one thing at a time, and remember that I am not in charge. Thank goodness!

It seems fitting that I am up after midnight writing this post. My mind is so loud and jumbled sometimes that it's hard to quiet it long enough for me to fall asleep, and tonight is one of those nights.

There is a great song by Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors called Live Forever, and the words have really been resounding with me lately! Especially this line:

"Some say faith is a childish game. Well,play on children, like it's Christmas day."

Friday, April 15, 2011

girl scout camp tonight!

...and there is rain in the forecast. And for tomorrow.

Prayers appreciated for all of New Visions council to have a safe and dry night!

Be Prepared! The Girl Scout motto! This really just means lugging around a bunch of stuff you probably won't need, but just in case I have lots of ponchos and towels for soggy Brownies!

Stay tuned...

Monday, April 4, 2011

ch ch ch changes

Feeling a bit overwhelmed at the current moment. This is shaping up to be busy-but eventful-month.

A few changes on the horizon, including Wednesday being my last day at Bliss. I will be starting at the Knoxville News Sentinel next month through the amazing program known as the Knoxville Fellows! I could not be more excited to FINALLY use my degree and grow in my faith at the same time. This is such a great opportunity for me to be able to integrate my faith into work, serve my community and be challenged daily by 11 other recent(ish) graduates. I think this is the direction I have been searching for so earnestly since finishing school over a year ago.

Also, just this past weekend I lost my lovely roommate Mollie to job-searching in Nashville, so it looks like another move is in the works! I think this makes 7? I have been where I am only since August but with my record that seems to be a long time. I'll be moving to Market Square at the end of July so it doesn't make much sense to look for another roommate...hence back to Strawberry Plains I go for a few months!

AND coming up next weekend is my very first experience as a Girl Scout leader at Camp Tanasi...{insert nervous nailbiting here} I have 7 girls going and we are staying in the nice indoor lodge with 2 other Brownie troops, bringing the total to close to 45 girls. Ages 8-9. Yeesh. Getting a little antsy about this one.  Stay tuned...

BUT yesterday I set out to complete my 2nd half marathon and emerged victorious! Even though the adrenaline has all worn off now and I can barely walk, I could not be more pleased with how it went. I took 12 minutes off of my 2009 time and I enjoyed the experience much, much more.

Unrelated to any of the above things is this SNL sketch. I have been revisiting it pretty frequently and cracking myself up. Just claaaaasic!