I have been going through a pretty great daily devotional book called Jesus Calling for about a year now. It's a short thought for the day and a few verses to go with it. It's a super way to start or end the day.
As I have gotten older, my Type A personality has seemed to intensify and I have to work harder and harder to be "in the moment." I am one of those people who feels uneasy when there is too much stuff/piles/clutter/chaos/etc and I find it hard to relax when I have lefy dishes out or my floor messy. I can function so much better with a to do list in hand and I get the best feeling from cleaning out closets and getting rid of things.
Two days in the past week have, I am convinced, been written specifically for me.
Example A:
April 22
Walk with Me in holy trust, responding to My initiatives rather than trying to make things fit your plans. I died to set you free, and this includes freedom from compulsive planning. When your mind spins with a multitude of thoughts, you cannot hear My voice. A mind preoccupied with planning pays homage to the idol of control. Turn from the idolatry back to Me and live abundantly.
Proverbs 19: 21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
AND
April 22
I am always with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind if so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me.
As I read these, I felt almost ashamed, like when you have been caught doing something and there is no way out. Mainly because I know that I always feel panicked and anxious about things I can't control. And I always try to handle these meltdowns on my own. Which is impossible.
I have been actively trying to break myself of this habit lately since I am back at home for a bit and am surrounded by such a gorgeous view and landscape. I love that I can stand outside at night, look up at the stars and have no streetlights in my face and can only hear frogs and crickets (and the neighbor's pool filter if you really listen hard). Those moments remind me to give up control, focus my mind on one thing at a time, and remember that I am not in charge. Thank goodness!
It seems fitting that I am up after midnight writing this post. My mind is so loud and jumbled sometimes that it's hard to quiet it long enough for me to fall asleep, and tonight is one of those nights.
There is a great song by Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors called Live Forever, and the words have really been resounding with me lately! Especially this line:
"Some say faith is a childish game. Well,play on children, like it's Christmas day."
